{"id":117,"date":"2021-06-02T09:23:56","date_gmt":"2021-06-02T09:23:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/?p=117"},"modified":"2021-06-30T11:15:29","modified_gmt":"2021-06-30T11:15:29","slug":"nokta","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/2021\/06\/02\/nokta\/","title":{"rendered":"Nokta"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u00e7ok erken gitti\u011fi i\u00e7in babama. aziz hat\u0131ras\u0131na…<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yine ortancalar alt\u0131 cam\u0131n\u0131n,<\/em>
D\u0131\u015far\u0131da s\u00fck\u00fbnu yaz ak\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n,<\/em>
Bah\u00e7emiz sulanm\u0131\u015f, \u0131slak her \u00e7i\u00e7ek.<\/em>
Kap\u0131 \u00e7al\u0131nacak, babam gelecek…<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ziya Osman SABA<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

(Ge\u00e7en Zaman, Bir Oda Bir Saat Sesi, 1942)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Rak\u0131 kapa\u011f\u0131 bulmu\u015ftum.-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bayramlarda yollar\u0131n iki yan\u0131n\u0131 birle\u015ftiren \u015fenlik s\u00fcs\u00fc: Tak<\/h6>\n\n\n\n

Topra\u011f\u0131n \u00fczerinde rak\u0131 \u015fi\u015fesinin kapa\u011f\u0131…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tekel\u2019in. Sararm\u0131\u015f, kim bilir kim atm\u0131\u015f. Duvar\u0131n arkas\u0131ndaki arnavutkald\u0131r\u0131ml\u0131 mahallelerin birinden f\u0131rlat\u0131ld\u0131 belki. Ak\u015fam\u00fcst\u00fc, sevgilisinden ayr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f biri, hafif kostak, cebinde tara\u011f\u0131. Hayat\u0131 b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f, vazge\u00e7mi\u015f, terk edilmi\u015f, terk etmi\u015f… Paras\u0131z ve yaln\u0131zd\u0131r da belki; ne olursa, kim olursa olsun yar\u0131m \u015fi\u015fe rak\u0131 alm\u0131\u015f, hesaba yazd\u0131rm\u0131\u015f, suyla kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bakkalda. \u0130\u00e7e i\u00e7e kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 sokaklar, i\u00e7 i\u00e7e.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-G\u00fcz sar\u0131s\u0131 rak\u0131 kapa\u011f\u0131\u2026-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eski M\u0131s\u0131r\u2019da tanr\u0131: Ra<\/h6>\n\n\n\n

K\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131n \u00fczerine koydu\u011funda yuvarlaklar \u00e7izebilirsin kapakla. D\u00fckk\u00e2n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcndeki \u00e7ardakta yar\u0131m b\u0131rak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bulmaca vard\u0131. Da\u011f\u0131l\u0131r gidersin. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler toplanmaz, ellerinin aras\u0131ndan dumanlar akar gider.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arnavutkald\u0131r\u0131ml\u0131 sokaklardan \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131\u015f\u0131mlara b\u0131rakt\u0131m kendimi. Deliler gibi. Sanki g\u00f6zlerimin i\u00e7inden kameraya al\u0131yordum seyrettiklerimi. Pazar sabah\u0131, feci ya\u011fmur ya\u011f\u0131yormu\u015f mesela. Kire\u00e7burnu\u2019ndan Ortak\u00f6y\u2019e giden otob\u00fcs\u00fcn arka cam\u0131ndan izliyormu\u015fuz. Eski T\u00fcrk filmlerinden olsun bu. Az sonra nice y\u00fcze ayna olmu\u015f arka camdan ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 yaz\u0131lar\u0131 ge\u00e7ecek. Y\u00f6netmen. Senarist. Oyuncular.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T\u00fcrkan \u015eoray ile oynamak istiyorum bu hik\u00e2yeyi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hik\u00e2ye mi? Toparlayam\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Sar\u0131yd\u0131 kapak. Sar\u0131s\u0131 i\u00e7ine ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015f d\u00fcnya\u2026<\/strong> –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bizmutun simgesi: Bi<\/h6>\n\n\n\n

Rengi koyuydu kapa\u011f\u0131n, i\u00e7i kahverengiye d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc art\u0131k. Anasonun topra\u011fa kar\u0131\u015f\u0131rken yayd\u0131\u011f\u0131 h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc koku… Kar ya\u011farken meyhanede i\u00e7ti\u011fin rak\u0131ya para vermezdin. Telefon defterinde parmaklar\u0131n\u0131n izleri vard\u0131. D\u00fckk\u00e2ndaki masanda buldu\u011fum k\u00e2\u011f\u0131tlarda yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131n son yaz\u0131lar: 2 meksefe, 1 paket buji. Karb\u00fcrat\u00f6r temizlendi<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130talik yazm\u0131\u015f, silinmi\u015f gitgide. K\u00e2\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131n \u00fczerinde siyah lekeler. Elleri de\u011fmi\u015f, yar\u0131m yamalak, g\u00f6mlek kollar\u0131 kirliymi\u015f, kaza\u011f\u0131 benzin kokuyormu\u015f; kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde geceleri d\u00fckk\u00e2n\u0131 bekleyen kurt k\u00f6pe\u011fi. Dodge marka kamyon, siyah beyaz foto\u011fraflarda, \u015fimdi rengi bilinmeyen; eskiden siyah beyaz. Kar ya\u011f\u0131yormu\u015f sokaklara. Sokaklarda kar prenses, peri k\u0131z\u0131, lacivert g\u00fcnl\u00fck gibi geziyormu\u015f mesela. Mesela, masala kahraman laz\u0131mm\u0131\u015f da do\u011fmu\u015fum. G\u00f6zl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc duruyormu\u015f masan\u0131n \u00fczerinde. Bulmaca \u00e7\u00f6zmek, g\u00fcn\u00fcn s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc okumak, gazetenin verdi\u011fi cep telefonunu alabilmek i\u00e7in kupon toplamak…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Tekirda\u011f Rak\u0131s\u0131-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sol \u00fcst k\u00f6\u015fede resmi olan aktris: T\u00fcrk\u00e2n \u015eoray<\/h6>\n\n\n\n

Karpuz iyi olur Tekirda\u011f\u2019da. Eyl\u00fclde palamut \u00e7\u0131kar. Hem de kocaman palamutlar. Bu\u011fulamas\u0131 nefis olur; basacaks\u0131n so\u011fanla maydanozu, \u00fcst\u00fcne de defneyapra\u011f\u0131yla domatesi\u2026 D\u0131\u015far\u0131da pencerenin \u00f6n\u00fcnde sonbahar\u0131n \u00e7\u0131lg\u0131n sokaklar\u0131; mavi ye\u015fil denizi g\u00fcz\u00fcn… K\u00f6\u015fe ba\u015flar\u0131nda; Ni\u015fanta\u015f\u0131\u2019nda, \u015ei\u015fli\u2019de kas\u0131mpat\u0131 satan \u00e7i\u00e7ek\u00e7iler. Aynaya benzer \u0131slak, g\u0131c\u0131r g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcmler. Derken kim bilir nerede okumu\u015ftum, vapurduman\u0131 \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fi varm\u0131\u015f. Her ayr\u0131l\u0131kta, \u015fimdi u\u011fultulu lodosun i\u00e7inde \u00f6ten vapur d\u00fcd\u00fckleri, r\u00fczg\u00e2rda u\u00e7u\u015fan k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 atk\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Palamutun yan\u0131nda en iyi k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 so\u011fan giderdi. \u0130\u00e7ti\u011fimiz lokantalarda garsonlar\u0131n limon suyuyla taranm\u0131\u015f sa\u00e7lar\u0131… \u0130yilikle dolu ge\u00e7en g\u00fcnlerdi i\u015fte; dostlar\u0131m\u0131zla, sevdiklerimizle beraber, peri masal\u0131 olan mazi. Biz g\u00f6rmedik ama kesin vard\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mesela d\u00fckk\u00e2n\u0131nda evvelce \u00e7al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f tamirci \u00e7\u0131ra\u011f\u0131 Kemal; \u00e7o\u011fu kereler k\u0131z\u0131p kula\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ekti\u011fin, onulmaz ac\u0131lar i\u00e7indeyken kar\u015f\u0131na al\u0131p \u00f6\u011f\u00fct verdi\u011fin ama k\u0131zmay\u0131 yine de ihmal etmedi\u011fin. Hapisteyken ziyaret edip \u00e7i\u00e7ek g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz solcu uzak akraba… Sislerin ard\u0131nda kalm\u0131\u015f, Kuzguncuk meyhanelerinde, bal\u0131k a\u011flar\u0131yla s\u00fcslenmi\u015f g\u00fczel g\u00fcnler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sevdi\u011fin yerler vard\u0131. Gidemedik. Sevdi\u011fin yemekler… Yiyemedin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Otob\u00fcs\u00fcn arka cam\u0131ndan yaz\u0131lar ge\u00e7iyor. T\u00fcrk\u00e2n \u015eoray. H\u00fcmeyra.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Filmimiz ba\u015flamak \u00fczeredir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Rak\u0131 kapa\u011f\u0131 diyorum sadece\u2026-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eski dilde ben: Ene<\/h6>\n\n\n\n

Makaml\u0131 sesler duyuyorum. Sokaklar, bulvarlar, hayat. B\u00fcy\u00fck kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7iyorduk. \u0130\u00e7imden b\u00fcy\u00fck kalabal\u0131klar ge\u00e7iyordu. Evdeydin. Zay\u0131flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131n, sessizdin. Ge\u00e7mi\u015f g\u00fcnlerden, masadaki \u015fi\u015feler biz ba\u011fr\u0131\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a sallan\u0131p duruyordu. Tart\u0131\u015f\u0131yorduk. Sayfalar\u0131n aras\u0131nda yorgun ellerinin gezindi\u011fini telefon defterindeki parmak izlerinden anl\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Evden ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Gidebilece\u011fim yerlerin telefonlar\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerinde senden lekeler kalm\u0131\u015f: Dirim (Kad\u0131k\u00f6y)<\/em>, Ali ev (tiyatrocu), Tepum \u0130\u015f Merkezi<\/em>, Murat (Janet Han\u0131m<\/em>). Lekeler. Siyah, ya\u011fl\u0131, parmaklar\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7izgileri g\u00f6r\u00fcnecek neredeyse. Belki de g\u00f6z\u00fcmde derinle\u015fip b\u00fcy\u00fcyor ya\u015fananlar. Yoklu\u011fa kar\u0131\u015faca\u011f\u0131z.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bulmaca \u00e7\u00f6zmeyi seviyordun, beni arayacakt\u0131n \u015fimdi, bulacakt\u0131n da. Eve \u00e7a\u011f\u0131racakt\u0131n serserini. K\u0131v\u0131rc\u0131k sa\u00e7l\u0131n\u0131. \u015eairini. Kad\u0131k\u00f6y\u2019de kayal\u0131klar\u0131n oldu\u011fu yerde, kim bilir kimin do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fc, hangi \u015fairin \u00f6l\u00fcm g\u00fcn\u00fc kim bilir? Elimde G\u00fczel Marmara, dalgalar \u00e7arpt\u0131k\u00e7a tuz ak\u0131yor \u00fczerime. Sular ak\u0131yor. Aral\u0131ksa \u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorum, yan\u0131yorum a\u011fustossa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Derinle\u015fen parmak izlerinde cami kubbeleri g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Derinle\u015fen izlerinde\u2026 Derinle\u015fen\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-K\u00fcre\u011fin ucunda rak\u0131 kapa\u011f\u0131. \u00c7ocukken masada dururdu, dilimi i\u00e7ine de\u011fdirir \u015fekerli tad\u0131nda kal\u0131rd\u0131m. \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00dcnl\u00fc yazar\u0131m\u0131z: Selim \u0130leri<\/h6>\n\n\n\n

Kim bilir hangi \u015fark\u0131 \u00e7al\u0131yordu teypte? Ak\u0131p gidiyordum \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131\u015f\u0131mlarda. Sel gibi. \u00c7ok ya\u011fmurlu Fikirtepe ak\u015fam\u0131, zemin kattaki evin koyu perdeleri. Y\u00e2r yata\u011f\u0131nda, elimde \u015fiir kitaplar\u0131, devrim yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Y\u00e2r yata\u011f\u0131nda demi\u015fim, pardon; yer yata\u011f\u0131nda. \u00d6n\u00fcnde kaloriferin, petekler s\u0131rt\u0131ma batarak, s\u0131cak u\u00e7lar\u0131; devrim yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7imdeki iktidar d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f, g\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6n\u00fcnde kral devrilmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u00fckk\u00e2n\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131nda kare kare camlar vard\u0131. Tatile gitti\u011fimiz SSK kamp\u0131ndaki yemekhanenin camlar\u0131n\u0131 and\u0131r\u0131yordu. \u00c7ocuklarla topla\u015f\u0131p ak\u015famlar\u0131 bal\u0131k tutard\u0131k. Kartal taraflar\u0131ndayd\u0131. \u015eimdi \u00fczerinden yol ge\u00e7iyor. \u015eimdi \u00fczerinden s\u00fcr\u00fcyle ad\u0131m an\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n\u2026 Oran\u0131n yemekhane fi\u015fi kalm\u0131\u015f c\u00fczdan\u0131mda. Haydarpa\u015fa – Adapazar\u0131 hatt\u0131nda i\u015fleyen trenlerin biletlerine benziyor. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck mukavva par\u00e7as\u0131, 3,5 x 1,5 ebad\u0131nda, a\u00e7\u0131k ye\u015fil, bilet\u00e7inin gelip damga vurdu\u011fu. Ara s\u0131ra trenlere binen sucular, t\u00fckenmez kalemciler, vergi iade zarf\u0131 satanlar: Ald\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131za ilaveten tarak verirler, damla sak\u0131z\u0131 ikram ederler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Artistler kahvesinden fig\u00fcranlar da bulmak laz\u0131m. Yadig\u00e2r Ejder \u00f6ld\u00fc. Erenk\u00f6y\u2019den ge\u00e7erken ilkyaz, Suadiye\u2019den ge\u00e7erken k\u0131\u015f. D\u00fckk\u00e2n\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131nda kare kare camlar vard\u0131. Uzun selvi a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcklerimi toparlayam\u0131yorum. Selvi yerine servi demek istiyorum nedense, aln\u0131n\u0131n yaz\u0131s\u0131 yerine anl\u0131n\u0131n yaz\u0131s\u0131. Sesleri alan: Erkan Esenbo\u011fa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Bir b\u00fcy\u00fck a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131r, ilk kadeh doldurulur, iyidir; \u015fi\u015fenin kapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kapatmak unutulur, \u00f6p\u00fc\u015f\u00fcl\u00fcr, konu\u015fulur\u2026-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00dcnl\u00fc yazar\u0131m\u0131z: Selim \u0130leri<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck araba, sar\u0131 renkli, Volkswagen bile daha b\u00fcy\u00fckt\u00fcr. Bizim oturma odas\u0131na bile s\u0131\u011far bu araba, demi\u015ftin. G\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnde gece kokan pencereler vard\u0131, i\u00e7eri ya\u011fmur dolan, kay\u0131p ak\u015famlar\u0131m\u0131z, sevdi\u011fimiz \u015fark\u0131lar vard\u0131 g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnde.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oysa son g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmde y\u0131rt\u0131k, yorgun, geriye do\u011fru savrulmu\u015f y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki anlam, otel odalar\u0131n\u0131n yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131, tarihi hamamlar\u0131n oldu\u011fu sokaklar, karanl\u0131k bayram ak\u015famlar\u0131, kar ak\u015famlar\u0131; hatta sadece ak\u015famlar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bizim k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck araba: Markas\u0131 Topolino; Yugoslavya\u2019da tarlalar\u0131 s\u00fcren \u00e7ift\u00e7ilerin, ekili arazide kulland\u0131klar\u0131, vitesi bire takmadan duramayan. Bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck sar\u0131 araba, beni \u00fcniversite giri\u015f s\u0131nav\u0131na g\u00f6t\u00fcrece\u011fi sabah, arka koltuklar\u0131n\u0131n tamirde olu\u015funa ne \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc: Annemle babam \u00f6nde; on yedi ya\u015f\u0131m arkada, e\u011freti misafir, \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00dcz\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcn mutlaka. \u0130yilikler olsun isterdin. \u0130yilikler yapabilmek. Bil ki yapt\u0131klar\u0131n yetmedi, yapacaklar\u0131n vard\u0131; olmad\u0131. Bil ki olamad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-\u00dczerinde k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck b\u00f6cekler geziniyordu, sonsuz sar\u0131yd\u0131 kapak. Y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn rengi, ayaklar\u0131n sapsar\u0131yd\u0131.-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir kitap ad\u0131: Can\u015fenli\u011fi<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bo\u011faz K\u00f6pr\u00fcs\u00fc\u2019nden nereye do\u011fru ge\u00e7erken para verilir, \u00f6\u011frenemedim; Avrupa\u2019ya m\u0131, Asya\u2019ya m\u0131? Yolda y\u00fcr\u00fcrken binalar \u00fcst\u00fcme y\u0131k\u0131lacakm\u0131\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na tedirgin oluyordum. Geceleri uyurken ans\u0131z\u0131n korkular, sanki deprem olacak da tonlarca beton…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nas\u0131l anlatmal\u0131, \u015furac\u0131kta yang\u0131n \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131na, ta\u015flar\u0131n alt\u0131nda kal\u0131naca\u011f\u0131na, gemilerin bataca\u011f\u0131na, arabalar\u0131n kaza yapaca\u011f\u0131na dair karamsarl\u0131klar. Sevgililerin ayr\u0131laca\u011f\u0131na, piyangolar\u0131n \u00e7\u0131kmayaca\u011f\u0131na, elektriklerin kesilece\u011fine, asans\u00f6rde kal\u0131naca\u011f\u0131na, \u00e7ukura d\u00fc\u015f\u00fclece\u011fine, k\u00f6pek \u0131s\u0131raca\u011f\u0131na… M\u00fcjdesiz, \u00e7i\u00e7eksiz telgraflar bekliyordum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pembe, odan\u0131n rengidir; sar\u0131, koridorlar\u0131n. Yatak \u00e7ar\u015faflar\u0131 beyaza \u00e7alar. Lekesiz. Yan tarafta do\u011fumhane var. Yeni do\u011fmu\u015f \u00e7ocuk a\u011flamas\u0131. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 \u0131p\u0131slak, pespembe y\u00fczler. Hayata tutunmas\u0131, kopar\u0131p \u00e7ekmesi i\u00e7in onu kendine, t\u0131rnaklar\u0131n\u0131n var oldu\u011funu g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm yenido\u011fan\u0131n. Ya\u015fas\u0131n, b\u00fcy\u00fcs\u00fcn diye. \u00d6lenlerin de uzarm\u0131\u015f t\u0131rnaklar\u0131, niye?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Odan Sanayi Mahallesi dura\u011f\u0131ndaki \u00fcstge\u00e7itten g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu i\u015fte. Gidin bak\u0131n, sa\u011f taraf\u0131 askeriyenin arazisidir; oraya do\u011fru de\u011fil, di\u011fer yana. Orada, mavili beyazl\u0131 bina; i\u00e7inin pembesi zar zor se\u00e7ilen k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck odalar. En \u00fcst\u00fcn alt\u0131, sa\u011f k\u00f6\u015fede, sondan hemen \u00f6nceki oday\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn, beyaz t\u00fcl perdeli. A\u011fa\u00e7 dallar\u0131 aras\u0131ndan ak\u015fam olacak. Hemen \u00fcstge\u00e7idin yan\u0131ndaki sokak lambas\u0131; sokak lambalar\u0131 ah, i\u00e7inizi yakar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Has\u0131rl\u0131 Meyhane\u2019yi bulmu\u015ftuk, masa \u00f6rt\u00fclerinin rengi pembe beyaz… Senin i\u00e7in i\u00e7mi\u015ftik, patl\u0131can k\u0131zartmas\u0131, peynir, kavun, rak\u0131; sen i\u00e7emiyordun ya… Foto\u011fraf makinesinin objektifinden Suna\u2019y\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, arkas\u0131nda caddenin \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 vard\u0131, tellere as\u0131l\u0131 mor \u00e7i\u00e7ekler. \u00dcstge\u00e7itten g\u00f6r\u00fcnen odan\u0131n penceresinden bak\u0131n, siz de g\u00f6r\u00fcrs\u00fcn\u00fcz. Suna vard\u0131 o odada. Saadet vard\u0131. G\u00f6r\u00fcn: Donup kalm\u0131\u015flard\u0131r orada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sen vard\u0131n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saadet, kuruyan dudaklar\u0131n\u0131 siliyordu \u0131slak pamuklarla (Saadet\u2019i kim oynas\u0131n: En iyisi H\u00fcmeyra). Aln\u0131n terliydi. Nefes almakta zorlan\u0131yordun. \u00dcst\u00fcne \u00fcstl\u00fck ci\u011ferlerini \u00fc\u015f\u00fctm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcn. Yani \u00f6yle s\u00f6ylemi\u015ftik sana. Yak\u0131nda eve d\u00f6nece\u011fiz, demi\u015ftik. Fener\u2019in ma\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 izleyecektin. Kalk\u0131p kendi ba\u015f\u0131na t\u0131ra\u015f olmak istemi\u015ftin. \u00dc\u00e7 ayd\u0131r a\u00e7 oldu\u011fun i\u00e7in ayakta duracak halin yoktu. Fakat hayata tutunan ellerin vard\u0131 i\u015fte. Ellerin; kula\u011f\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7eken, har\u00e7l\u0131k veren, bayram sabahlar\u0131 \u00f6p\u00fcp ba\u015f\u0131ma koydu\u011fum; temiz mendiller ili\u015ftirirdi cebime. Ellerin hayat\u0131n adaletsiz oldu\u011funu bilirdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Giderken allaha\u0131smarlad\u0131k m\u0131 denilir g\u00fcle g\u00fcle mi? H\u00e2l\u00e2 kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-\u00c7ok \u00fczg\u00fcn rak\u0131 kapa\u011f\u0131\u2026-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mezar, karayer: Sin<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hayat\u0131 yazmal\u0131yd\u0131m. Hayat yaz\u0131lmaz \u00fcstelik biliyordum ama istiyordum. Israrc\u0131yd\u0131m. Hayat\u0131 yazmak, ya\u015fanan\u0131 yazmakt\u0131 belki, ne fark eder, denerdim. Klasik derlerdi, kli\u015fe derlerdi; diyecek laf bulurlard\u0131, i\u015fleri budur. Kli\u015feden bunca korkmalar\u0131n\u0131n sebebi ona eri\u015femeyecek olmalar\u0131yd\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130tiraf etmeli: Hastayd\u0131n, yemek yiyemiyordun. \u0130\u00e7inde b\u00fcy\u00fcyen par\u00e7a sinsi sinsi, k\u0131r\u0131c\u0131; seni engelliyordu. Yiyemiyordun. Marketten al\u0131\u015fveri\u015f yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. Hediye kuponu kazanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. Sana hamburger alacakt\u0131k.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eve geldik. Balkondayd\u0131n. Serumunu \u00e7\u00f6zm\u00fc\u015flerdi. G\u00fcnlerdir a\u00e7t\u0131n. Ancak ba\u011f\u0131rsaklar\u0131na ba\u011fl\u0131 borudan, kocaman \u015f\u0131r\u0131ngayla verdi\u011fimiz mamalar… \u00c7\u00f6k\u00fck y\u00fcz\u00fcn. Ye\u015fil karas\u0131 g\u00f6zlerin. Ye\u015fil karas\u0131 ne demek bilmiyorum. Ye\u015fil karas\u0131. Balkondaki b\u00fcy\u00fck has\u0131r sandalyede oturuyordun. Has\u0131r. Ihlamur kokuyordu, ak\u015famd\u0131. Yava\u015f yava\u015f yaz bitimleri. Yava\u015ftan \u00f6m\u00fcr ge\u00e7i\u015fleri. Hamburgerin sar\u0131l\u0131 oldu\u011fu k\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcn. Senindi. Senin i\u00e7indi. Ka\u00e7 y\u0131l\u0131n diyetiydi belki, ka\u00e7 asr\u0131n. Paha bi\u00e7ilmez emeklerinin kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015fimdi bir hamburgerdi. K\u0131yma, tur\u015fu, ket\u00e7ap, mayonez, ekmek. Yuvarlak, avu\u00e7 i\u00e7i kadar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avu\u00e7 i\u00e7i: Aya<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir taneyle doymam\u0131 istemezdin; oysa bir taneyi bile zar zor bitirmi\u015ftin. G\u00fcl\u00fcmsedin, do\u011frulmu\u015ftun: \u201cBa\u015fka \u015fey isteseydim Allah\u2019tan, olacakm\u0131\u015f demek, nas\u0131l da can\u0131m istiyordu.\u201d Can\u0131n\u0131n, isteyecek hali yoktu, biliyordum. Can\u0131mdan ak\u0131p gidenler, i\u00e7imden, \u00f6mr\u00fcmden eksildi. Kan\u0131m dondu. Mutfak duvar\u0131na yasland\u0131m, sonsuz a\u011flad\u0131m. Allah\u2019tan ba\u015fka \u015fey isteseydin ke\u015fke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Otob\u00fcs\u00fcn arka cam\u0131nda izledi\u011fimiz filmin en g\u00fczel sahnesiydi bu. Suna\u2019y\u0131 T\u00fcrk\u00e2n \u015eoray oynayacakt\u0131; benim i\u00e7in talip olmad\u0131 hi\u00e7bir oyuncu. Kararm\u0131\u015f foto\u011fraf \u00e7er\u00e7eveleri istediler, kabul etmedim; buzdolab\u0131nda hastaneye giderken b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m gazoz \u015fi\u015fesi vard\u0131, iyice so\u011fumu\u015f, istedi, y\u00fcz \u00e7evirdim; kalemlik vard\u0131 masan\u0131n \u00fczerinde, iki yunus bal\u0131\u011f\u0131 heykelci\u011fi, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck alb\u00fcm, t\u00fcts\u00fc. Hepsine hay\u0131r, hay\u0131r hepsine!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Hava toprak kokuyordu kapa\u011f\u0131 buldu\u011fumda, yorgundum, herkes bana bak\u0131yordu, derken ta\u015flar\u0131 yerine koyacakt\u0131 Serdar.-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eski dilde ba\u011f\u0131rsaklar:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bunu \u00e7\u00f6zememi\u015fsin. Bakt\u0131m, hi\u00e7 harf \u00e7\u0131kmam\u0131\u015f. Sa\u011fdan denemi\u015fsin, orada riyaziye sorulmu\u015f; matematik demek. Mat\u2019\u0131 bulmu\u015fsun, bir de en sondaki k\u2019y\u0131. Civardaki di\u011fer sorulara bakm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n. Labada sorulmu\u015f. Ancak labaday\u0131 bilirsen riyaziyenin d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc harfini bulursun. Cevap efelek ama bilememi\u015fsin. Cevap yok, cevap verememi\u015fsin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Serdar eskiden otob\u00fcslerde \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yormu\u015f. \u015eimdi \u00f6zel \u015fof\u00f6rd\u00fcr. H\u00e2l\u00e2 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc otob\u00fcslerin pe\u015fine tak\u0131l\u0131yor arabayla; en \u00e7ok t\u0131s t\u0131s eden seslerini dinlemeyi seviyorum, diyor. Tokat\u2019tan gelmi\u015f. Hac\u0131h\u00fcsrev\u2019deki bek\u00e2r evlerinde kalm\u0131\u015f ara s\u0131ra. K\u0131rkl\u0131k ampullerin \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131nda yerden sigara toplayan bitli adamlardanm\u0131\u015f. Battaniyesini yatak eyleyip yatm\u0131\u015f. \u015eehirleraras\u0131 yollarda muavinlik; uykusuzlu\u011fu tan\u0131m\u0131\u015f. Yollar\u0131n sonsuzlu\u011funu \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015f.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zaman\u0131nda mezarl\u0131klarda \u00e7al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f. \u00d6l\u00fc g\u00f6mm\u00fc\u015f, tabut ta\u015f\u0131m\u0131\u015f, topra\u011f\u0131 kazm\u0131\u015f. Derken hem\u015ferisi mermercinin yan\u0131na \u00e7\u0131rak girmi\u015f, usta olmu\u015f. Mezarlar i\u00e7in mermer yapmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f. Rak\u0131y\u0131 \u00e7ok sevmi\u015f, en \u00e7ok \u00e7irozla sevmi\u015f. Sonra ta\u015f\u00e7\u0131l\u0131k. H\u00fcve-l baki yazmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015f ta\u015flara. Do\u011fum \u00f6l\u00fcm tarihleri aras\u0131nda hayat hik\u00e2yeleri kurmu\u015f.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Askere giderken \u00f6l\u00fcmden kazand\u0131\u011f\u0131 parayla, hem de harama g\u00f6n\u00fcl d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrmeden zengin olmu\u015f. Sahtek\u00e2rl\u0131k yapmadan hem de. Emanet b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 d\u00fckk\u00e2nda, \u00f6deme i\u00e7in milyon yazamad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sanarak \u00fc\u00e7 s\u0131f\u0131r daha ekleyip milyara imza atan abisinin yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 hata, askerden d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fte s\u00fcrpriz yapm\u0131\u015f: Bakm\u0131\u015f ki be\u015f paras\u0131zd\u0131r; k\u0131smet deyip b\u00fcy\u00fck bir \u015firkette \u00f6zel \u015fof\u00f6rl\u00fc\u011fe ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f, gocunmam\u0131\u015f. Helalinden de olsa \u00f6l\u00fcmden para kazan\u0131lmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek avunmu\u015f.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talat Bulut oynas\u0131n Serdar\u2019\u0131. B\u0131y\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 kesmesin. Kot montunu giysin \u00fczerine. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 \u0131slats\u0131n. En b\u0131\u00e7k\u0131n, en delikanl\u0131, en i\u00e7li haliyle oynas\u0131n. Ad\u0131 Serdal olsun da filmdekiler ona Serdar desin. Serdar k\u0131z\u0131n birini \u00e7ok sevsin, aileler y\u00fcz\u00fcnden ayr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olsunlar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ah <\/em>eski dilde kay\u0131plar\u2026 Hat\u0131ralar \u00e7ok eski dilde\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

-Rak\u0131 kapa\u011f\u0131. \u015ei\u015fli\u2019de bahar. Has\u0131rl\u0131 Meyhane. Sensiz Saadet Neymi\u015f \u00e7al\u0131yormu\u015f i\u00e7eride.-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boru sesi: Ti<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ye\u015fildi, g\u00f6zlerini hat\u0131rlatan uzak, i\u00e7li ye\u015fil. Ka\u00e7 kere yazd\u0131m kim bilir? Ka\u00e7 kere s\u00f6yledim ya\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131. \u0130yi ya\u015fayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131. Ameliyat \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131nda doktor anlat\u0131yor: \u201cDurumun bu kadar k\u00f6t\u00fc olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmemi\u015ftik…\u201d Ameliyathanenin yan\u0131ndaki kafedeydik. K\u0131z karde\u015fin, teyzemin kocas\u0131 Rasim (Macit Koper) oturuyorduk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kimsenin kimseyi sevmedi\u011fi \u015feydi hayat. Tavanda, k\u00f6\u015fede, sesi sonuna kadar k\u0131s\u0131lm\u0131\u015f k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck televizyon. T\u00fcrk filmi. Belki de \u015fu an yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m filmdi, kim bilir. Yerin alt\u0131ndaki kafe. Ayran i\u00e7iyoruz. Ameliyattan \u00e7\u0131kanlar, ameliyata girenler. Bu hastane, \u00fclkemizin en b\u00fcy\u00fck SSK hastanesiymi\u015f. Alt katlar b\u00fct\u00fcn b\u00fct\u00fcn ameliyathane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

K\u0131z karde\u015fin, i\u00e7erde ne olursa gelip bize de s\u00f6ylemesi i\u00e7in ameliyathanede g\u00f6revli hastabak\u0131c\u0131ya para vermek istiyor. Yan\u0131nda bozukluk yokmu\u015f, Macit\u2019e s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor. Bakar\u0131m diyor Macit; \u201cortal\u0131k yerde adamca\u011f\u0131z\u0131n g\u00fcc\u00fcne gitmesin.\u201d Derken g\u00f6stere g\u00f6stere c\u00fczdan\u0131na davran\u0131yor karde\u015fin, bak\u0131c\u0131y\u0131 k\u00f6\u015feye \u00e7ekiyor; sigara al\u0131rs\u0131n kendine, diyerek adam\u0131n cebine para soku\u015fturuyor. Bu durumda bile kula\u011f\u0131ma e\u011filip Macit\u2019in dedikodusunu yap\u0131yor: Biz ba\u015fkay\u0131z anac\u0131m, diyor. Kimsenin kimseyi sevmedi\u011fi \u015feydi hayat. Onlar ger\u00e7ekten ba\u015fkayd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum hastabak\u0131c\u0131y\u0131: \u00c7ipil g\u00f6zleri vard\u0131, burnu kemerli. Ba\u015f\u0131ndaki boneyi \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p yan\u0131m\u0131za gelmi\u015fti. Ameliyat ba\u015flayal\u0131 hen\u00fcz yar\u0131m saat olmu\u015f. Uzun boylu, \u00e7ok zay\u0131f, beyaz sa\u00e7l\u0131, \u00f6l\u00fcm mele\u011fi. S\u0131r verircesine yakla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 karde\u015fine: \u201cHastan\u0131n durumu bekledi\u011fimiz gibi \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131 abla.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130lyas Salman\u2019\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm televizyondaki filmde. Kitap fuar\u0131nda, yan\u0131na gitti\u011fimi hat\u0131rlad\u0131m. \u0130mza g\u00fcn\u00fcyd\u00fc. A\u011fz\u0131 votka kokuyordu. Portakal suyu \u2013 votka i\u00e7iyor, \u015fiir kitab\u0131n\u0131 imzal\u0131yordu. Onun \u015fiir kitab\u0131 oldu\u011funu bilmiyordum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hastabak\u0131c\u0131 son geli\u015finde, mecburen boru takt\u0131k abla, demi\u015fti. Boru takm\u0131\u015flar. Neden? Kimse konu\u015fmuyordu. Boru takm\u0131\u015flar, diyorlard\u0131 sadece. Ba\u011f\u0131rsaklar\u0131na boru takm\u0131\u015flar. Yak\u0131n zamanda midesinden dolay\u0131 yemek yiyememeye ba\u015flayacakm\u0131\u015f. Yazarken \u015fimdi belki duyar; i\u00e7im titriyor: T\u00fcm\u00f6r k\u0131sa s\u00fcrede mideyi tamamen saracakm\u0131\u015f. Sapsar\u0131 duvar dipleri an\u0131ms\u0131yorum d\u00fc\u015flerimden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u0130lyas Salman\u2019\u0131n sesini duyuyordum da anlayam\u0131yorum t\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc. A\u011fz\u0131ndan buharlar \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordu. Geceydi. So\u011fuktu. So\u011fuktu ve Ya\u011fmur \u00c7iseliyordu… Otob\u00fcs\u00fcn arka cam\u0131ndan sokaklar su i\u00e7inde. Diplerdeki evleri sel basm\u0131\u015f. \u00c7a\u011fr\u0131\u015f\u0131m seli. De\u011fi\u015fik mamalar varm\u0131\u015f, pirzola yedikten sonra alaca\u011f\u0131 vitamini onlardan da alabilecekmi\u015f; tak\u0131lan borudan \u015f\u0131r\u0131ngayla verdi\u011fimiz zaman sindirmi\u015f gibi olacakm\u0131\u015f. Neden?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Duvar dipleri yine. \u0130ki aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131n \u00fczerinde askerde oldu\u011fu gibi yere \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fcp, geceleri y\u0131ld\u0131zlara bakarak seni, T\u00fcrk\u00e2n\u2019\u0131, H\u00fcmeyra\u2019y\u0131, hayat\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek… Askere gitti\u011fim g\u00fcn nas\u0131ld\u0131; beni havaliman\u0131nda b\u0131rakt\u0131ktan sonra eve gidip odan\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 kilitleyerek, koca adam, h\u00fcng\u00fcr h\u00fcng\u00fcr a\u011flam\u0131\u015fs\u0131n ya, duvar diplerine \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fcp keskin ila\u00e7, \u00e7ama\u015f\u0131r suyu kokusu duymu\u015ftum, aral\u0131k tuvalet kap\u0131lar\u0131ndan yaz r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131na kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f sidik ve antibiyotik ve serum ve g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131m…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

-\u015eeytan diyor ki anas\u0131n\u0131 satay\u0131m yak mangal\u0131, i\u00e7 rak\u0131y\u0131\u2026-<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Havai fi\u015fek: May.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cevap maytap olacakt\u0131 besbelli, may \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f sadece. Bulamam\u0131\u015fs\u0131n. \u0130\u00e7emedi\u011fin rak\u0131, yakamad\u0131\u011f\u0131n mangal i\u00e7in pi\u015fman\u0131m. Yaz boyunca g\u00fcn g\u00fcnden eridin. Nisandan temmuza dek\u2026 H\u00fcmeyra ile kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 yataklarda yat\u0131yordunuz. Kusmaya da ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131n. \u0130\u00e7inde kimsenin durduramad\u0131\u011f\u0131 sinsi tela\u015f: T\u00fcm\u00f6rden b\u00fcy\u00fck par\u00e7alar da\u011f\u0131l\u0131p par\u00e7alan\u0131yor; da\u011f\u0131lan par\u00e7alar kan damarlar\u0131na yap\u0131\u015f\u0131p kan\u0131n\u0131 emerek b\u00fcy\u00fcyor, kocaman par\u00e7alar oluyor; kocaman par\u00e7alar tekrar par\u00e7alan\u0131p k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck par\u00e7alar haline d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor, kan damarlar\u0131na yap\u0131\u015f\u0131p tekrar kan\u0131n\u0131 emiyor; b\u00fcy\u00fcy\u00fcp daha \u00e7ok par\u00e7a oluyorlar ve daha \u00e7ok ve daha da \u00e7ok ve durmaks\u0131z\u0131n\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tan\u0131: CG 103 t\u00fcm\u00f6r b\u00f6lgesinde inoperaktif mide CA. Uzak metastaz<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tedavi: Yok<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oturdu\u011fumuz mahallenin yan taraf\u0131ndaki b\u00fcy\u00fck e\u011flence tesisinin arka bah\u00e7esinde zengin d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnleri yap\u0131l\u0131yordu. A\u00e7 biila\u00e7 s\u0131zm\u0131\u015f uyurken, gece yar\u0131s\u0131 patlat\u0131lan havai fi\u015feklerden korkuyla uyan\u0131\u015f\u0131n akl\u0131mda. Y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn karanl\u0131ktaki bembeyaz hali\u2026 Uzak metastaz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cMide CA.\u201d Te\u015fhisin konuldu\u011fu raporu sana hi\u00e7 g\u00f6stermedik. Mide cancer. Mide kanseri. D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnlerde e\u011flenirken, g\u00fclerken onlar, papyonlar, kravatlar, y\u00fczlerce de\u011fi\u015fik tuvalet modeli, a\u00e7\u0131k b\u00fcfe yemekler (sen a\u00e7l\u0131ktan t\u00fckeniyordun), s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z i\u00e7ki, havada u\u00e7u\u015fan dolarlar, kim kiminle, kimin k\u0131yafeti en g\u00fczeli \u015fekerimler, \u015firket evlilikleri, finans m\u00fcd\u00fcrleri, borsa haberleri, at yar\u0131\u015f\u0131 zenginleri, y\u0131v\u0131\u015f\u0131k, i\u011fren\u00e7 komedi filmleri ortal\u0131\u011f\u0131 pisli\u011fe bularken… Havai fi\u015feklerin sesinden korkarak uyan\u0131yordun i\u015fte.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Korkuyorduk: Ya \u00f6l\u00fcrsen. Karanl\u0131kta \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6rterken y\u00fcz\u00fcne vuran ay\u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131nda ya\u015fay\u0131p ya\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlamak i\u00e7in sana bak\u0131yorduk. Havai fi\u015fekler \u00f6nce ciuvvvv diye incecik sesler \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131yor, y\u00fckseliyor ve hemen patl\u0131yordu. Binlerce \u0131\u015f\u0131k seli da\u011f\u0131l\u0131yordu havaya, d\u00f6nerek patlayan\u0131, ye\u015fil \u0131\u015f\u0131k \u00e7\u0131karan\u0131, aniden da\u011f\u0131l\u0131p sa\u00e7\u0131lan\u0131; bin \u00e7e\u015fidi vard\u0131, \u00e7ok g\u00f6rkemliydi. Allah bin t\u00fcrl\u00fc belas\u0131n\u0131 versindi hepsinin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Korkuyorduk. Uzak metastaz. Korkuyorduk. Kan\u0131n\u0131 emen par\u00e7alar b\u00fcy\u00fcyordu…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bulmaca bitti. \u00c7\u00f6zebilece\u011fin kadar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6zm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcn. Senaryo tamam. Film bitti. \u015eark\u0131, g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f bitti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Son cumartesi sabah\u0131, telefon \u00e7ald\u0131. H\u00fcmeyra tekrar \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131 bizi. Sanayi Mahallesi dura\u011f\u0131n\u0131n orada, askeriyenin kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndaki hastaneye g\u00f6t\u00fcrecektik seni, mecburen, durumun a\u011f\u0131rla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. \u201cGaliba gidici\u2026\u201d Suzan Avc\u0131 a\u011fl\u0131yordu: Annen; Suzan Avc\u0131 oynas\u0131n. Ambulans\u0131n i\u00e7indeydin. \u0130\u00e7in t\u0131kanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ac\u0131 \u00e7ekiyordun. Ac\u0131 \u00e7ekiyordun. Tekrar etmek yazarken; neyi \u00e7o\u011faltacaksam?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terminal evre, diyecekti doktorlar. Akl\u0131mda otob\u00fcs terminalleri… T\u00fcrk\u00e2n\u2019a ka\u00e7\u0131p giderken, otob\u00fcs terminalinde, paran var m\u0131, diye soru\u015fun. K\u0131z\u0131n yan\u0131nda paras\u0131z olmaz o\u011flum, deyi\u015fin. \u201c\u015eu sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 tarasayd\u0131n ya, ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 da boyatmam\u0131\u015fs\u0131n, erkek adam temiz olur…\u201d Sonra g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn. Nedense yine o\u011flum deyi\u015fin; o\u011flum, nehirlerin denize akmasayd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hayat\u0131 yazmak istiyordum. \u00d6l\u00fcm\u00fc yaz\u0131yordum. Ak\u015famlar\u0131 i\u015ften d\u00f6nerken metronun camlar\u0131nda y\u00fcz\u00fcme bak\u0131yordum. Ba\u015fkas\u0131 vard\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcmde. B\u00fcy\u00fcyordum. B\u00fcy\u00fcyordum galiba. Sakal\u0131m, sa\u00e7\u0131m. \u015eiirlerim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yollarda do\u011falgaz \u00e7ukurlar\u0131\u2026 Ambulans\u0131n i\u00e7inde, ba\u015fucunda duruyordum. K\u0131z karde\u015fin ve H\u00fcmeyra \u00f6nde, \u015fof\u00f6r\u00fcn yan\u0131ndayd\u0131. Usta \u015fof\u00f6rd\u00fcn bilmez miyim? Ne bi\u00e7im araba kullan\u0131yor bu adamlar, demi\u015ftin. \u00dcstelik borunun v\u00fccuduna ba\u011fl\u0131 oldu\u011fu yer yara olmu\u015ftu. Araba \u00e7ukurlara girip \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k\u00e7a senin yaran, benim i\u00e7im ac\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Suzan Avc\u0131, alt\u0131na has\u0131r koyun g\u00f6merken, diyordu. \u00d6l\u00fcrse. Has\u0131r. \u00d6l\u00fcm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6l\u00fcm, uzak s\u0131z\u0131; yokluyordu. Bazen \u00fcrperir insan. En yak\u0131n arkada\u015f\u0131m herkesin \u00f6teki tarafta a\u011fac\u0131 oldu\u011funu, yaprak d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fck\u00e7e \u00fcrperdi\u011fimizi s\u00f6ylemi\u015fti. Zamans\u0131z \u00fcrpermelerin sebebi \u00f6l\u00fcme yakla\u015fmakm\u0131\u015f demek… Son yaprak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce \u00f6l\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015f insan. Masal g\u00fczelli\u011findeki c\u00fcmlelerin i\u00e7inde son yapra\u011f\u0131 bekliyorduk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bulmaca bitti. D\u00fckk\u00e2n\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131 kapand\u0131. Yan\u0131nda \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan kalfa, k\u00f6t\u00fc k\u00e2\u011f\u0131da, bozuk yaz\u0131yla karalam\u0131\u015f (\u0130lyas Salman oynas\u0131n): \u201cUsta \u00f6ld\u00fc. Cenaze namaz\u0131 \u015ei\u015fli Camii\u2019nde, \u00f6ylen namaz\u0131n\u0131 m\u00fctakip.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eski dilde ba\u011f\u0131rsaklar.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bilen var m\u0131? Her bulmacada de\u011fi\u015fik \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Oyun bu de\u011fil mi? T\u00fcm\u00f6r art\u0131k nefes boruna kadar metastaz yapm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Talat Bulut ile birlikte defin i\u015flemlerine ba\u015flad\u0131k. Devlet dairelerinin bitmez t\u00fckenmez sar\u0131 merdivenleri…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tam da o g\u00fcnler. T\u00fcrk\u00e2n \u015eoray ile Galata Mevlevihanesi\u2019ne gezmeye gitmi\u015ftik. Tavanda \u00e7ok g\u00fczel \u015fekiller vard\u0131. \u0130ki yana a\u00e7\u0131lan kap\u0131y\u0131 \u00e7ekip ortadaki bo\u015f alana y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm. Ellerimi g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne b\u0131rak\u0131p sema edecektim, narin. Kafesli pencerelerden Mevlevi dedelerinin mezarlar\u0131, Arap\u00e7a yaz\u0131lar. \u0130\u015fte o Arap\u00e7a kelimelerden baz\u0131lar\u0131 tabutunu saran ye\u015fil \u00f6rt\u00fcde yaz\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131. Anlam\u0131n\u0131 sordum: Her canl\u0131 \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc tadacak yaz\u0131yor, dedi hoca. Sami Hazinses \u00f6lmediyse hocay\u0131 oynas\u0131n, l\u00fctfen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oksijen veriyorlard\u0131 s\u00fcrekli. Kardiyovask\u00fcler kelimesi u\u00e7u\u015fuyordu kulaklar\u0131mda. Kriz gelecek gidecek, diyordu doktor; art\u0131k ne kadar dayanaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 Allah bilir. Koridordaki sar\u0131 duvarlar\u0131n dibine \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fcp a\u011fl\u0131yorduk. Kara yaz, \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u00fcn orta yerinden gelip ge\u00e7iyordu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Son g\u00fcn\u00fcne yakla\u015f\u0131yorduk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pencereden, \u00fcstge\u00e7idin alt\u0131ndaki b\u00fcfe g\u00f6z\u00fck\u00fcyordu. Cam\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131n az\u0131c\u0131k \u00e7ocuklar, dedin. T\u00fcrk\u00e2n soruyor: \u201cSu ister misin baba?\u201d On g\u00fcnd\u00fcr sadece iki yudum su i\u00e7mi\u015ftin. Sadece su. Az\u0131c\u0131k ver k\u0131z\u0131m, dedin. Durdun. Ezan okundu. \u0130yile\u015fece\u011fim in\u015fallah, dedin ezan okunurken. \u00c2min, deyip y\u00fcz\u00fcne s\u00fcrd\u00fckten sonra, zar zor hareket ettirebildi\u011fin ellerini midenin \u00fczerinde dola\u015ft\u0131rmaya ba\u015flad\u0131n. Ne yapmak istemi\u015ftin? B\u00fcy\u00fc m\u00fc? Ellerin hayat\u0131n adaletsiz oldu\u011funu bilirdi. Bana d\u00f6nd\u00fcn. Ba\u015fucunda duruyordum. Gel, dedin. F\u0131rlad\u0131m hemen: \u201cBuyur usta!\u201d \u201cSoda alsana bana, \u00e7ok can\u0131m istedi.\u201d Son konu\u015fmam\u0131z…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

F\u0131rlad\u0131m d\u0131\u015far\u0131. A\u011flayarak. Ko\u015fuyordum. Ald\u0131m. Getirdim. H\u00fcmeyra i\u00e7irdi sana soday\u0131. T\u00fcrk\u00e2n: \u201c\u0130yile\u015f de deniz kenar\u0131na gidelim yine, olur mu baba…\u201d Ah be k\u0131z\u0131m, dedin zar zor konu\u015farak; \u201cnerelere gidecektik, ama olmad\u0131.\u201d A\u011flasam m\u0131?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00d6lm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcn i\u015fte baba. Seni y\u0131karlarken g\u00f6rd\u00fcm en son. G\u00f6rmedin de\u011fil mi? \u0130ki zay\u0131f adam, ellerinde sabunlu bezler, ta\u015f kesilmi\u015f bedenini yana \u00e7evirmi\u015fler, s\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 ovuyorlard\u0131. Ba\u015fka yerde g\u00f6rsem mutlaka hik\u00e2yelerini yazmak isterdim. Oysa y\u00fczlerini bile an\u0131msam\u0131yorum \u015fimdi. S\u0131cakt\u0131. \u0130\u00e7erdeki buhar sise d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Bitmez t\u00fckenmez \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131lar mermer duvarlardan. \u00d6l\u00fcnce neyi yitiriyordu insan?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talat dua okuyordu. Y\u00fcz\u00fcnde k\u00f6p\u00fckler vard\u0131 baba. Sol g\u00f6z\u00fcn a\u00e7\u0131kt\u0131: \u0130rice ye\u015fil. G\u00f6z\u00fcn yanmaz m\u0131yd\u0131 sabundan? Oraya da su tutsunlar istedim. O g\u00f6z o\u011flunu g\u00f6remeyecek miydi tekrar? Hayat\u0131n bitimsiz dirimi… G\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcn\u00fc ovmak i\u00e7in s\u0131rt\u00fcst\u00fc yat\u0131rd\u0131lar. \u0130ncecik kalm\u0131\u015f bacaklar\u0131n\u0131n yerine iki tahta par\u00e7as\u0131 ba\u011flam\u0131\u015flard\u0131 sanki.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ama sen sol g\u00f6z\u00fcn dumanlar i\u00e7inde bana bakt\u0131n. Bakmad\u0131n m\u0131?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Son hamam, son banyo, son su. Bak\u0131\u015f\u0131yorduk. Adamlar\u0131n ellerinde seni y\u0131kamalar\u0131 i\u00e7in tuttuklar\u0131 s\u00fcngerler sar\u0131\u2013lacivertti. Y\u00fcz\u00fcnde y\u0131rt\u0131lm\u0131\u015f krepon k\u00e2\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131. Beline do\u011fru bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda hastanede ba\u011f\u0131rsa\u011f\u0131na ba\u011flad\u0131klar\u0131 boruyu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm; kesmemi\u015flerdi. H\u00e2l\u00e2 oradayd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boru sesi: Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kulaklar\u0131mda incecik g\u00fcr\u00fcldeyen ses… Boruyu i\u015faret ederek zar zor sordum: Onu \u00e7\u0131kartmayacak m\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z? Koca bina y\u0131k\u0131l\u0131yor i\u00e7imde. Hallederiz abi, dediler. Te\u015fekk\u00fcr edip d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Adamlardan \u015fi\u015fman olan\u0131 boruyu yumru\u011funa sar\u0131p tek hareketle…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Son yaz\u0131lar ge\u00e7meye ba\u015flas\u0131nd\u0131 art\u0131k. Selvi a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131 d\u0131\u015far\u0131da. Servi demek istiyorum. Kefenlendin, tabuta koyduk. Namaz\u0131n k\u0131l\u0131nd\u0131. \u00c7elenk getirenlerin listesini tutan adam para istedi. T\u00fcm param\u0131 verdim. Katlay\u0131p c\u00fczdan\u0131ma koydu\u011fum k\u00e2\u011f\u0131tta \u201cMERHUM T\u00dcLAY CAYMAZ BEYEFEND\u0130…\u201d yaz\u0131yordu. Cami g\u00f6revlisi, dosya k\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131na, sana \u00e7elenk g\u00f6nderenlerin ad\u0131n\u0131 yazm\u0131\u015f. B\u00f6yle k\u00e2\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131 s\u0131navdan \u00f6nce, teneff\u00fcs verildi\u011fi vakit okul kantininden gidip al\u0131rd\u0131m. \u00c7ocuktum. Mor, kal\u0131n \u00e7izgileri olurdu da ucu a\u00e7\u0131lmam\u0131\u015f k\u00fct kalemimle do\u011fru d\u00fcr\u00fcst yazamazd\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131m \u00e7amur oldu, hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum. Mezara indik. Talat, U\u011fur (k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flun, karde\u015fim, kendini oynar, yak\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131d\u0131r) ve ben. Kimse oynamak istemedi beni, ne k\u0131r\u0131lan fincanlar, ne ilk \u015fiir defterim, ne Haydarpa\u015fa vapur iskelesindeki saat, ne g\u00fcz kestanecileri\u2026 Kefene sar\u0131p sarmalad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z seni, kald\u0131r\u0131p koyduk serdi\u011fimiz has\u0131r\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mezar\u0131n \u00fczerini kaplayan ta\u015f\u0131 kapatt\u0131k. Kapat\u0131rken elini s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131 Talat. Eve d\u00f6nerken, arabada; gus\u00fclhaneden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nca, a\u00e7\u0131k olan sol g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc kapatt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlat\u0131yordu. Kapatm\u0131\u015f, yeniden a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f. Yine kapatm\u0131\u015f. Tekrar a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ama. Kapatm\u0131\u015f. \u0130natla a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f. A\u011flayacakm\u0131\u015f. Tutmu\u015f kendini. A\u00e7ar\u0131m b\u00fcy\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, demi\u015f i\u00e7inden. Onur\u2019u da arar\u0131m; ustan\u0131n hayata doyamadan gidi\u015fine a\u011flar\u0131z.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sen \u00f6ld\u00fcn ya baba, seni kim oynas\u0131n \u00f6lenlerden? Sadri Abi oynas\u0131n m\u0131, hani Ben Sana Mecburum\u2019da yok yere hapis yatan, Ofsayt Osman\u2019da mahkemede, h\u00e2kimin kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda a\u011flayan, selam\u0131na yemye\u015fil g\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn Turist \u00d6mer oynas\u0131n m\u0131? Sadri Al\u0131\u015f\u0131k oynas\u0131n m\u0131?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kalabal\u0131kt\u0131 mezar\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131. Adam\u0131n biri k\u00fcrekle toprak atmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Havai fi\u015fekler patl\u0131yordu beynimde. \u0130\u015fte tam da orada, o anda, mezara toprak atan adam\u0131n k\u00fcre\u011finin ucuna bir rak\u0131 \u015fi\u015fesinin kapa\u011f\u0131 \u00e7arpt\u0131. \u00c7\u0131n… \u00c7\u0131nlad\u0131 ortal\u0131k.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7anakkale\u2019nin il\u00e7esi: \u00c7\u0131n<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Halbuki \u00c7an olacak. Yanl\u0131\u015f \u00e7\u00f6zm\u00fc\u015fs\u00fcn. Mezar\u0131n tapusunu bize devreden adam\u0131n elindeki, durmaks\u0131z\u0131n yedi\u011fi kay\u0131s\u0131 pestilini hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum. Rahmetli de severdi, demi\u015ftim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u00fc\u015fler, dumanlar i\u00e7inde kay\u0131s\u0131 pestilinin sar\u0131s\u0131na iyice yak\u0131n \u00e7ekim, hastanenin sar\u0131 duvarlar\u0131na, balkondaki masan\u0131n sar\u0131 \u00f6rt\u00fcs\u00fcne, son yedi\u011fin hamburgerin sar\u0131 renkli paket k\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131na, sar\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcne…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sar\u0131lar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne, siyah yaz\u0131lar d\u00fc\u015fmeden \u00f6nce \u00e7ekilecek sahnedir:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seni u\u011furlad\u0131k. Tam da Sadri Al\u0131\u015f\u0131k\u2019\u0131n sevdi\u011fi portakal rengi Dodge kamyonday\u0131z mesela. D\u00fc\u015f rengindeyiz. Eve d\u00f6n\u00fcyor olal\u0131m. Sadri Al\u0131\u015f\u0131k \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr. Torpido g\u00f6z\u00fcndeki beyaz zarf. \u0130\u00e7inde defin k\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131n\u0131 bulay\u0131m: Hasta sabah saat 6:50 sular\u0131nda exodus olmu\u015ftur. <\/em>En altta, imza b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnde, SON<\/strong> yaz\u0131yor olsun. A\u011flayay\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sabahlar en sevdi\u011fim vakitleriydi d\u00fcnyan\u0131n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 2.9.2002<\/strong>
Kavakl\u0131<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not: <\/strong>Beni tan\u0131d\u0131klar\u0131mdan hi\u00e7 kimse oynamak istemedi; m\u00fcmk\u00fcnse U\u011fur Polat oynas\u0131n\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00e7ok erken gitti\u011fi i\u00e7in babama. aziz hat\u0131ras\u0131na… Yine ortancalar alt\u0131 cam\u0131n\u0131n,D\u0131\u015far\u0131da s\u00fck\u00fbnu yaz ak\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n,Bah\u00e7emiz sulanm\u0131\u015f, \u0131slak her \u00e7i\u00e7ek.Kap\u0131 \u00e7al\u0131nacak, babam gelecek… Ziya Osman SABA (Ge\u00e7en […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2929,"featured_media":122,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-117","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-oyku"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2929"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=117"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":121,"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/117\/revisions\/121"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/122"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=117"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=117"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onurcaymaz.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=117"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}